What a bad day in Chile looks like...

Okay, well, I suppose after a series of super-awesome-amazing days I had to see this coming.  There was bound to be a bad day in there somewhere.  Mine was today.

This week we are giving tests meaning that the first class of the week is review and the second is a test.  I had four classes without incident.  We actually have evaluations due this week, wherein the students evaluate us.  All four of my first classes of the week assured me that they gave me great evaluations.  They all asked me if I would be their teacher next semester and begged me to come back to teach them for their second semester.  I was feeling pretty great.  My students seem to genuinely like me and most of them are doing very well and clearly learning a great deal.

Then, today, I had the class that challenges me week after week.

It is a group of about ten girls who are studying to be notaries.  Their English is insanely limited.  I have three basic classes and in the other two I speak Spanish maybe 10% of the time but the rest is said in English.  This forces them to pay attention and also to become accustomed to my accent and manner of speaking.  In these two classes if the students don't understand, they ask me to repeat or ask me to explain.  All my students know that I have no problem answering any question they throw at me, that I will never make fun of them and that I will always do my best to answer everything. 

I have always had problems with this one basic class.  They are hesitant to ask questions, I have to drag answers out of them constantly and when I speak even the simplest English they look at me like I'm a martian.  This was permissible  the first couple weeks.  They came in with a less than basic knowledge of English and I had to teach them things like the alphabet, numbers and simple questions like "What's your name?"  and "Where are you from?"  However, as the weeks saunter on the clueless looks and questions like "Que significa 'mas'?" become tiresome.  While my other classes have been constantly progressing this one has been at something of a standstill.  Part of that has to do with the fact that the attendance is extremely poor.  Out of ten students typically four or five show up, often without books and always without the urge to learn.  I understand that English is a difficult language to master and the way the classes are scheduled (2 classes of 1.5 hours a week) makes it hard to learn properly, but all these students are adults.  Most of them are older than me.  They are capable of studying outside of class, of coming to me for help and of doing outside work.

Today was the review day before the test.  We had a midterm 4 classes ago and we have another on Friday.  The class after the midterm no one showed up.  The next class 5 showed up without their books.  The next class 3 showed up but I went home ill in the middle of it.  Today I told them we could start 45 minutes early because we had most of the unit to cover and theoretically only one class to cover it.  For the first hour or so of the class things were going smoothly.  There were about 8 students there, a recent record, and they seemed to be understanding the new concepts.  I was speaking in mostly Spanish for the sake of time.  I assigned them an activity to do and left the room to go to the bathroom.  When I came back I was walking into an ambush.

One student immediately asked me why we couldn't push the test back to next week.  I told her simply that it wasn't my decision when the tests were given.  Another student immediately started complaining about the fact that there hadn't been enough time since the last test to learn the new material.   I pointed out to her that she'd missed the last three classes so it was difficult for me to be empathetic.  The continued to complain about the test and then began to criticize the way I teach.  The said that they wished they had Chilean teachers because apparently my level of Spanish isn't up to par with what they need.  I told them that they would never learn English if I only spoke to them in Spanish but they didn't seem to care.  They told me I don't support them, that I don't give them enough help, enough guidance before tests.  Other teachers are better.  Other teachers are more helpful.  Other teachers speak more Spanish.  GUESS WHAT LADIES...I'M NOT CHILEAN.

I could feel myself getting to a dangerous point and I didn't want to lose control and start screaming at all of them like I wanted.  I told them simply that whatever problems they had with me or with the English department they could register them with my boss.  I told them where to find her and what her name is.  I told them that I have nothing to do with when the tests or given, that I don't write the tests, that it's not my decision how often the classes meet.  All things you would think that a class full of adults would be able to understand.  I told them if they didn't like my class they should go speak to my director and ask to switch.  They told me all the other classes are full.  So I guess they already tried. 

I was close to tears at this point so I gave them a worksheet and left them in the room for about half an hour.  I wanted fresh air and to calm down.  I came back to them and told them that we were done for the day and that we would start class early again on Friday.  I also told them we could push the test back to next week.  It seemed to appease them and they were cheerful as they left the classroom.  I doubt they know just how much they upset me.

I am not someone who takes my responsibilities lightly.  I feel responsible for each one of my students.  I want them all to succeed and I try as hard as I can even when they don't try at all.  None of them has a clue what it's like to be thrown into a culture you're not accustomed to, speaking a language that isn't your own, without any training.  I want to be a teacher for the rest of my life and I am genuinely hurt by students who imply that I don't support them and that I don't care about them.  The hurt my feelings, they hurt my pride and I don't feel that I deserved it. 

My friend and fellow teacher gave me a ride home and gave me a pep talk.  He told me that students who are failing always look for somewhere to put the blame.  He said "Tu eres lo que eres, y nada mas, y si a alguien no le gustas olvidalo."  (You are who you are and nothing more and if someone doesn't like you, forget them.)  He said that I shouldn't worry about it but the fact that I am worried means I care and that's important.  He cheered me up a bit but I still feel like a piece of you-know-what. 

I'm hoping a good night's sleep and maybe a chat with my director tomorrow will put me right.  Then I can get back to my good-day streak.