In my grandmother's most recent email to me she posed this question. It really got me thinking, because while I often say that I have "learned so much" this year, I've never really pinpointed exactly what I've learned.
I think the first thing I learned is not to be afraid, or rather not to let fear impede me from doing the things I want to do. When I arrived in Chile this year, although it was not the first time I had been here, it was under entirely different circumstances. For one thing, I was alone. Last year I had a travel companion who spoke better Spanish than me and for the first couple of days she was my safety net. This year, there was no safety net. There was just me and my Spanish. I wasn't entering a program filled with students, all my age and all from California, I was entering a program full of people that I possibly had nothing in common with and hadn't met any of them ahead of time. Not to mention the fact that I was coming to teach, but had really never done any teaching before. It's safe to say I was stepping into (almost) completely unknown territory: a city I'd lived in before, but with none of the comforts from before. All my friends were gone. I couldn't run to the UC study center every time I had a problem. I was afraid, but I didn't let it keep me from facing the challenges set in front of me.
Maybe the next thing I learned is that budgets exist for a reason. We didn't get paid until after about 6 weeks of living in Chile and so I came with what I thought would be enough money to see me through til then. However, my traveling spirit took over and I overreached my budget considerably. This led me to do the one thing I had been absolutely set against doing: I had to crawl back to my parents, tail between my legs and ask for some money. After some deserved "we told you so's" they sent me some emergency funds and I made it through to my first paycheck. After that, I made sure to carefully budget each month. We are paid monthly, in cash, so at the beginning of each month I divvy the money up into envelopes that say things like "rent", "food", "travel", etc. Thankfully, since then I have been able to live comfortably month to month. My parents have sent me some cash at times, out of the goodness of their hearts (and because I think old habits die hard) but I know for a fact that had they not sent me the extra funds I could have gotten by just fine and I think that is an invaluable skill when entering the adult world.
Next, I suppose I learned that "our way" is not "the only way." The US is a big, bad, powerful country, but we are still just one country and one culture and our way of doing things is not the only way and it's not even necessarily the right way. I learn this lesson every day, teaching and living in a foreign country. The littlest things are different, from the fact that every single one of my students writes out their entire quiz in pencil, then writes over it in pen and erases the pencil, to the fact that when you go to a restaurant you have to ask for water, they never give you ice and if you see your waiter even once after they bring you your food its a miracle. But there are a lot of big differences too, like the fact that in one city you have millionaires living in mansions and you have people living in slums built on the train tracks. You have people who, after being oppressed by a murderous dictator for twenty years, now use every opportunity to stand up to the government, including doing things like hurling bricks through windows or lighting churches on fire. I guess in short, I've learned that we are not the center of the universe and the cultural norms that we are raised on don't apply everywhere else. We make the mistake of making blanket, general statements about the world constantly without having the slightest idea what the world is actually like outside our own country, or even state or city. The thing about this world is that we're not all the same. We're all different and I think we would be better served acknowledging and celebrating those differences rather than ignoring them and trying to make changes based on the idea that we are all "one."
I have learned that work is important. I have also learned that fun is important. And I have learned that every now and then one needs to be sacrificed for the benefit of the other. I have had some of the best nights of my life when I decided to be irresponsible, stay out too late and do things I shouldn't do. I have also had some of the worst days of my life when I came into work after staying out too late, being irresponsible and doing things I shouldn't do. I never want to be someone who stays in every night and who "lives to work" as a friend of mine often says. I want to be someone who "works to live." I want to have a healthy work life and have a healthy social life and I think I'm finally starting to strike a balance.
I have learned that dating sucks and that thinking about dating sucks and that worrying about dating sucks. And that it's better to just go out without any expectations, without any preconceived goals, with your friends, just doing what you love and having a good time. And if you meet "Mr. Right" in the process then that's great and if you don't then you had a great time out with your friends. When you set goals like "I'm going to meet a guy tonight" it never happens, and you know who you let down? No one. Only you. And letting yourself down sucks. So just chill out and meet everyone and someday you'll meet the one. I'm still working on it.
I have learned that sometimes you have to be selfish. Sometimes you have to make decisions that are good for you, even if not everyone agrees with you. Sometimes you have to turn down an invitation to a party, sometimes you have to go out with a guy who's bad news, sometimes you have to call in sick to work and spend the day in your pajamas watching 30 Rock. You don't do anyone any favors by not being at your best, so be at your best as often as you can and do what you need to do to make that happen.
I have learned that love is painful and that the loss of love can be almost fatal. I've learned that I'm scared of love and scared of sharing my love and I've learned that that makes my life challenging because I am a loving person.
I have learned that I do not trust easily and I take betrayal of trust to heart.
I have learned that people can be wonderful and they can also be awful.
I have learned that my life has been easy, compared to most.
I have learned how to cook.
I have learned that I really can't sing.
I have learned that I want to learn and to educate myself everyday for the rest of my life.
I have learned that I love reading more than I thought.
I have learned that everything matters, but some things don't matter as much.
And I have learned that I still have a lot of learning to do.
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